Utförlig presentation på engelska av första delkursen The Vital Connection
(Den Livsviktiga Anknytningen) i Power to Parent-serien

Dr Gordon Neufelds distance course
Power to Parent, part I, The Vital Connection

Course outline for part I
The Vital Connection video series

Session 1: Why Children Need to be in Right Relationship to the Adults Responsible for Them

• what makes a child easy to parent
• how a child`s attachment empowers a parent
• the pitfalls of parenting without sufficient power
• the difference between power that is natural and force that is contrived

Session 2: How a Child`s Relationship to the Parent is Meant to Develop

• how the capacity for relationship is meant to develop
• how the capacity for relationship is meant to develop
• what keeps a child from developing a deep relationship to a parent
• what causes a child to back out of attachment: the problem of defensive detachment
• why time-outs and the silent treatment can backfire
• how to address separation problems in children

Session 3: How to Harness the Power of Attachment

• how to create a context of connection
• why we need to connect before we direct
• why we need to back out of the incidents and into the relationship
• how to get an alpha child to relinquish control

Session 4: How to Keep From Losing a Child to Competing Attachments

• incompatibility and the dark energy of attachment
• what causes attachments to be incompatible
• why attachment incompatibility is escalating
• the true meaning of shyness and why it needs to be respected
• how to create a working village of attachment
• how to recognize a competing attachment
• how to defuse attachment incompatibility
• how to keep from being replaced

Session 5: How to Preserve (or Restore) the Ties that Empower

• assume responsibility for fulfilling a child`s attachment hunger
• take responsibility for the relationship
• use structure & ritual to cultivate connection and protect the relationship
• refrain from using discipline that divides
• soften a child`s heart in order to deepen the attachment and correct dominance problems
• reclaim a child if necessary

Session 6: How to Deal with Aggression Without Disrupting the Connection

• what moves a child to attack: the primary role of frustration and attachment
• three alternative outcomes to frustration that will keep a child from attacking
• the three impediments to futility sinking in
• how to keep a child`s aggression from disrupting the vital connection
• how to effectively address an aggression problem

Session 7: How to Deal with Resistance Without Sabotaging the Relationship

• why some children are compelled to resist and oppose
• how counterwill is mistaken for willfulness
• seven steps to counterwill-proof a relationship
• defusing counterwill: nine ways to reduce pressure & coercion
• reducing counterwill: harnessing the power of attachment

Session 8: How to Use Discipline that is Attachment-Safe and Developmentally Friendly: Seven Strategies for Imposing Order

• do all things in a context of connection
• impose order primarily through structure & ritual, not through bossing a child around
• aim to change a mind instead of behaviour
• draw out mixed feelings instead of demanding self-control
• aim for sadness when a child is up against futility
• take control through changing the circumstances, especially when unable to change the child
• script the actions of the immature to buy some time for the child to grow up

Svenska Neufeld-institutet dr Gordon Neufeld på

Att förstå barn och unga –